down down down

Today I am feeling down. I am in dire need of motivation. I dun feel like working at all... I feel like waking up M. and asking him to answer the email I just sent him.
So, it all boils down to this: we are planning an expedition to Aconcagua in Jan-Feb 2008 (this is why I have been carrying all those water weights around campus). It has been my dream for quite awhile now, but only this year it seems I will be able to raise the moneys to go there. So you can imagine I am quite eager to go. I also wanted to go to the Alps and do some climbing there - i have a picture (no, 2 pictures) of Matterhorn taped to my desk's wall ... so when M. said he's going to the Alps and that I should come you would expect me to be HAPPIE!!!! But I'm not ... Thing is, this month of leave that I am taking is the only one in three years (2006,2007,2008) in which I will be able to go home, so I wanted to spend it at home, if not really at home with my mom (I know she misses me dearly), but at least in the same country... So what to do? I have written to M. and asked if he'll take me for 10 days (he says it will only last 2 weeks, but I know it usually lasts more, especially since I don't have any saying in- "we gotta go back now") - but this means that I can't help with driving back and packing up the tents and all that ... and it feels to me like I'm taking advantage in a way. I feel so troubled, in one place I want to go to the Alps, no matter how long it takes, on the other hand I can't do this to mom, it doesn't feel right.

I only hope that M. understands and will allow me to go for the 10 days and then fly out or smth... But I think that he won't, he'll just say forget it, or smth... Aaaa ... I am so sad, I hate choices like these.

Later edit: thanks to Nita for encouraging me to send the email.