A bit overqualified

Went to school for 24 years. Got a PhD in computer science. Brought in 1.5 mil in funding in 3 years. Am an associate dean.

But today ladies and gentlemen, I was able to help somebody realise that they had plugged in the network cable instead of the projector cable and that THIS WAS WHY THE PROJECTOR WAS NOT WORKING.

An apology of sorts

But mostly a laundry list as to why I have not been blogging much. Whereby "not much" I mean not at all (there should be a law forbidding people to start sentences with "whereby" -- MAYBE THERE IS!!)

1. I don't have the Denali photos but I do want to tell that story, and I know I'll be lazy to change the posts once the photos do get here
2. I'm now an associate dean for my faculty. This is scary and crazy (I fooled them. Again!) but also it's very fucking busy - it will be frantic this semester, as my current workload cannot be adjusted by much to cater for this new thing
3. I fell 40m on Denali, hit my head on a rock, cracked my helmet and was out for half an hour. There. I've said it. Note to the interwebs though, I have been talking to my friends about this, but I have yet to commit it to writing -- seems much more final when I write it than when I say it. So, after this, I've taken to spending my free time eating (yes, it's possible to eat even more than I was!), navel gazing, reading, and yes, having, sometimes, a sip of some wine. I haven't been doing blog worthy stuff though, so yeah. I think the fall (among others) also tore my left meniscus, so yeah, more navel gazing for me in the future. 

What do you do...

... when you find yourself at the end of the Earth without your wallet and your credit cards? And having to pay for lunch at a restaurant (cause that's how you determined that you don't have your wallet ...).
Oh. You also have an international flight in 3 hours.

What do you do!? YOU PANIC.

This may or may not (snort) have happened to me today. Lost my wallet, found out that I had lost it while.at.hard.rock.cafe.having.to.pay.for.lunch. Went back to the hotel, talked to everybody, no sight of the wallet.

Ran back to Hard Rock Cafe, called Marian in the middle of the night and had him dictate his credit card details to pay for lunch. By this time I was completely mortified, by the way*.

My main problem, other than the fact that I had no mooolah whatsoever,  was that I also had no way of getting to the airport, other than walking the many many miles that separate Atlanta from its airport.

Enter the petty cash form. Turns out, big hotels have a petty cash fund  (probably also called the stupid tourist fund) and in this case 36 dollars went to paying my sorry little ass' cab to the airport.

I love the Hyatt Regency Atlanta!! I got to the airport safely, checked in, passed TSA. On my way to the gate, while I was contemplating being truly and utterly broke and thus unable to eat any food (qantas food is terrible unfortunately), I glance to the floor and find 5 dollars. To add insult to injury, the hotel manager then calls (international call btw) to tell me that they had found my wallet. Zomg. Stupid AND lucky.

* but three days of everybody telling me congratulations on my best paper award had prepared me for this. RAWR!

Climbing is a dangerous sport

Climbing IS a dangerous sport, in which people who do not learn from the mistakes of others do not survive.

This time, I was lucky and survived.

It was a quiet night at the gym. We had decided to climb vertical. There were many of us, including a noob friend of mine. He is very skinny, so Marian's old harness did not fit him, and as such I gave him mine. My new harness (birthday present, thank you, friends!) has an idiot-proof buckle. Regardless, I gave him my harness and explained in detail why we double back a buckle and what are the consequences of us not double backing a buckle.

For those of you that have no clue as to what the hell it is that I'm talking about, here's a picture from the interwebs (you need to replace that flabby tummy with a six pack if you want to know how it looks on me. Also, my harness is much less colorful, but I digress).

(Photos from here)
As I was explaining things to the noob, I must've stopped buckling my harness, which was like the one in the picture (but less colorful, remember).

I then tied in, and started to lead climb a shorter wall at the gym. It had been a while since I had led, so I was, as usual, scared shitless.

I reached the top of the climb, clipped the last quickdraw, and, while holding the last handhold, told my belayer to tight (remember, I was scared shitless, so letting go without being tight was. not. an. option). My belayer got the rope tight, and, as I lowered my weight on the rope (still holding the tile), I heard a massive velcro tear-like sound. I glanced down and my harness was hanging from my quads. I was standing at the top of a climb, with my harness going down to my knees and my left hand (my weak hand btw) holding on to a medium jug.  Dear friends and family, I did not swear. At all.

To my credit, I did not freak out either, but also did not do the right thing. Actually it was, but there was a better solution.

So. I started to buckle my harness while holding on to the handhold, and reached step 4 in the photo. It was getting really difficult to get to step 5 with a single hand. However, had the shit hit the fan, I could have held the loose end and get lowered like that (I did not think about this until later).  At this point, my belayer started shouting at the top of her lungs (and she has a pair, bless her): GO UP AND OVER! GO UP AND OVER! Which I eventually did. The shorter climb at  the gym has a ledge on top that was used a while ago for teaching abseiling. I went up and over, met one of the gym staff who took me down on the emergency ladder.

So. Things to note: thank fuck it was an easy climb and I did not fall. Had it been the roof (which I tried later in the night), I would have probably been disabled (not dead mind you, as the height is not significant to kill you, sadly).

But, most importantly: do all the checks. Look at the knot, the harness, the route, the quickdraws, the backcliping, your feet with respect to the rope while you climb, the rope with respect to your hands,  everything. Do this EVERY FUCKING TIME. 

How to make me angry

In five easy steps.

1. Come to speak at a women in science workshop. Talk about your career choices.

2. Tell us that your friend dared you to get a job in Australia, that you applied and got the job, and that you then decided to move to Australia and put your cat down because it was a "one person" cat. Show no emotion while saying this.

3. Then tell us that as part of your forensics job at a Big Bang, you had this cool opportunity of checking mails to see if people had affairs. Show excitement while you tell us about a particular case.

4. Talk about M$'s diversity policy while on the slide the m$ company is referenced with a capital c. Yes, that's correct. Company.

5. Finish it off with this slide.

Cancer is a cunt

Two days ago a friend and colleague passed away due to complications following a bone marrow transplant. Fuck you, cancer.

I was going to go home yesterday because the heat was just too much and I was jet lagged out of my brainzzzz. Instead, I decided that I would celebrate my friend's life by not slacking and having a quiet walk on Mount Lofty. It was hot. I was jet lagged. I was also a bit dazed and confused because of the heat. I did make a concession and did not take a backpack, and, because my legs were swollen, I walked and did not run. This walk is a good baseline for what is to follow.

Time to mt lofty summit: 1 hr

Total time: 2 hrs

Conditions: 42degrees, dry

Pack weight: 1 kg

Other notes: jet lagged, dazed, Trent's death

Training put to good use...

What do you do when you're stuck in a queue for six hours in Dallas because your flight got cancelled because of a snowstorm? Well, first you call American Airlines to rebook yourself. Then you call a hotel to get yourself a room in fucking Dallas!!

Then you wait in queue for two more hours just in case there's that small tiny chance that there IS a spot on the next flight out of Dallas. And what do you do when the lady says: "there IS a spot on the flight that is boarding now at terminal C (you are at terminal D, 20 minutes train ride from C). RUN, girl!" 

You RUN. This is where all that ultra, upjo training is put to good use...

Ran like mad. Caught the plane. Got stuck on the runway for another hour while they cleared the ice off the plane (which was good, because like this my bag caught up with me hahahah). 

Arrived at 1am in Washington DC. It is chilly and raining, but the delicious, northern hemisphere chilly (-1 C). I'm having mac and cheese that I microwaved myself because the restaurant is closed (it's 2am). I think I deserve it, if not for anything, but for still managing to be civil after being late because of other people so many times!!

Heart attack!!!

International travel is never without its perils for my poor, old heart. Today, instead of looking at my departure date and time from Adelaide, i looked at my departure TIME (only) from Washington DC. And then had a major heart attack because I thought I was leaving tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Yes, I triple checked. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. gah.

One picture Tuesday

I am not the brightest sheep in the pen. I went trail running in my five fingers. It was fine until it wasn't. Turns out, you can't really run downhill on a track in bare feet as those little pebbles are killers when you step on them at full speed/weight aaargh!

Realization. Part 249.

I have just been corrected on grammar by the associate editor of a top conference (that nevertheless accepted my paper). True, you might say, not only you learnt english mostly from books* but also you wrote that paper in a day because hell yeah! Coffee ftw!

Nevertheless, I have just realized NOW, while finally talking about people (as opposed to software systems, ok?!) in a paper, that there is a rule about when to use THAT and WHO. Apparently, unless you're a fancy schmancy writer,  you hafta use "who" when referring to people, and "that" when referring to objects.

Da fuck?! Apologies to everyone who was objectified in the past in my terrible AND NOW GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT BLOG - I was totally not aware of this. Gah.



*and cartoon network.

Training plan. I has it!

It took me a while to make this because it took me a while to realize that I need to get back into proper shape (snort) and that I will most probably never have a long distance running partner again. Sigh. Add to this the realization that the time and luxury I had during my PhD years will.never.come.back.again. Double sigh.

I need to train endurance and hills and overall bad-assness, so behold my training plan.

Monday
* run 5km
* boulder at BZ (non-friendly) or pyramid pull-ups: 1,3,5,7 times 3 sets on the rim of my office door because, I can. At least I can do 1,3,5 pyramids, so adding the 7 will not change anything, right? RIGHT?!

Tuesday
* run 5 km
* VR Boulder (non-friendly)

Wednesday
* run 5 km
* Mt Lofty trek: 10 kg - 20 kg; increase by 3 kg every two weeks
* start with one summit and progress to two OR run up Mt Loft if weight smaller than 15kg.

Thursday
* run 5km
* VR lead - at least 3 roof attempts

Friday
* run 5km
* pyramid pull-ups: 1,3,5,7 times 3 sets
* 7 seconds hangs: 7x5x3 sets

Saturday - rest day
* friendly boulder at BZ  or the pad
* arapiles or grampians

Sunday
* morialta 10 km run (1.5 loops) OR chambers gully 10km
* if in arapiles or grampians then 5-10km run depending on the overall ball shrinking the day before.
Cannot run if no ballz.
* if feeling like a wuss then can take this as rest day but need to replace Monday run with Morialta loops.

One picture Tuesday

The best reason to wear a storm trooper outfit: overheard while talking about gender misrepresentation in science: "oh, here at our school the number of female is equal to the number of male staff, it's just that they get themselves pregnant and there's nobody left to teach!"

Realization. Part 248

If you change your workout weights, effectively tripling the total weight, you WILL BE SORE the next day and you will not be able to climb. Duh.

One picture Tuesday

If one knows that there are better things out there than one is currently experiencing, why is one still enduring the nastiness? And this "nastiness" can be anything from bad relationships to  terrible phone coverage (I'm looking at you, Vodafone!) to bad jobs that make one unhappy, to having cats instead of dogs (not my problem). Hm ...

I love my iPhone

Playlists

Different activities, different playlists.

• Talking to students and doing lecture-y stuff: James Blunt - Bonfire Heart or Adele - Don't you remember or Starsailor - Some of us -- regardless, each and everyone of them on repeat on and on and on and on and on

• Just before lecture on a Monday, 9am: ACDC - Thunderstruck

• Research activities: no music or Beethoven

• Writing grant applications: Rammstein - Du Hast on repeat because HELL YEAH

The Universes are Conspiring

A while ago, I registered for a half marathon. I registered to prove a stupid point but also to get my ass off not running and start running again. Mostly the latter. Herein lies the problem.

I haven't been running half marathon distances ever since I injured my ankle in Montreal in ..., you got it, May. Godammit motherfucker shit monkey dishwasher gaaah.  Anyway. So not running long distances. I haven't actually become a couch potato of course, but did not run beyond 15 km for the Sea to Summit, and the 8ks every week for the Corporate Cup. My ankle is sort of ok now but not ok enough to get rid of the ankle guard.

For this week, I have been trying to get back into running to prepare me for the disaster that will be tomorrow's run. Because unless I meet a motherfucking unicorn on the trail, I will be lucky if a) I finish and b) (my sekrit hope) finish in a decent time (for various values of "decent" depending on the actual distance between my ambitions and reality).

And so, I tried running more. But could I? Of course not. I ran a total of 11km. The first time I ran 8 km at a decent pace. The next time I proceeded to run 5 km as fast as I could. I maintained sub 5 min/km for the first two km and then nearly collapsed for the third, so I only ran 3km. Because one trains speed when one does not even have proper endurance. Gah. I'm stupid. I couldn't run after that because jet lag got in the way and I spent every waking moment either being very very grumpy or thinking about sleep. Or being very very grumpy while thinking about sleep.

So today I was planning to run to school and get some work done here at work. However, the above got me to sleep for about 12 hours (I feel better now, who would have thought?!) and so I decided that I will come to school and run here. And then.  I. forgot. my. shoes. at. home.

I will grant that it is probably stupid to run today and run tomorrow, but still. I wanted to prepare!!! AAArgh. Tomorrow, I die.

The over-thirty problem

... is that you realize just how precious your back is and want to protect it.

So. I bought a pweety pweety messenger bag for myself about a year or so ago. It was pweety! and cute! and small!

It was pweety, right?!

Anyway, if you put in it:

• a laptop
• a charger
• all sorts of connectors
• a wallet
• a phone
• one ipad
• three notebooks (research, teaching, misc)
• five pens
• one ebook reader (I read a lot!)
• one book (for the times when you are taking off/landing and no ebooks are permitted)
• keys
• a coin bag
• at least five mandarins or five pieces of fruit, because of cors

... the messenger bag becomes too small and, most importantly, IS DAMN HEAVY. Or maybe it's not heavy and I'm too old already for carrying all this around on one shoulder instead of padded delicious goodness! On both shoulders. 

San finally saved me from an early grave when I gave her my bag to hold (while I was sekretly trying on stuff) and she explained to me why I was getting shoulder pain. I've already sprained my neck while I turned to the back seat of the car to get something. I. AM. NOT. YOUNG. ANYMORE.

One picture Tuesday

And, here's to me coming back to writing again! Last week I achieved the un-achievable and wrote 3 (THREE) research papers in a week, so there were no more words in my brainzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This week starts again on Tuesday, with the coffee machined dying on us just as we wanted to start the morning.

And yes, I stopped swearing one expresso, one pour-over, and one bacon and eggs (second breakfast) later. 

One picture Tuesday

Sometimes [enter long rant about students not attending lectures, students not thinking before doing things etc] ... But wait! DURIANS!