How to run 10k

Had problems running 10 km? Thinking you can't do it oh no nononono? Well then, THIS is the place to read.

- Start by going out on a 5k rum run with your boyfriend/fiancee/husband/etc - no matter, s/he has to be human, and must like you - a lot - otherwise this does not work

- Throughout the run complain about the following: s/he is running too fast and you have a stitch; s/he is NEVER running right next to you, always a bit in front and therefore you always feel like you are chasing him - hence you run faster, hence the stitch

- When he decides to run behind you, complain that he's making you feel chased (because you can see him with a corner of your eye) and THAT'S WHY you had to dash into the unknown, unlit night at 4:40 min/km. And he had to chase you, lest you get raped at night. in the park.

- When he decides to run in front of you, run slower such that at one point you are so far behind that he can't see you. Then complain that you'll get raped at night in MacRitchie HA! Because he doesn't take care of you!!! [the rape theme can be changed to something else, of course - variation is always the spice of a relationship]

- A very accurate measure of love is a) the step where he will crack; if he doesn't crack the first time, b) and how many times you can do this to him until he gets to the next stage... Read on...

- Once he can't take it anymore, he will start complaining that this is not a run, it's a fucking kidfest and he hasn't had a nice good run in ages. Now be careful, as THIS IS THE SPOT where you want to be!! Once he says that, you must say: "FINE! Pick a 10k route and we run it on Tuesday!"

- Now this is perfect. Because he has been wanting a longer run for so long and! you have been such a bee-itch, you will feel guilty and you will try your best to finish this run sans whining, complaining, bitching, quiting, etc. You are allowed to yell THIRST!! WATER!! THIRSTY!! from time to time, especially since you have been stuffing your face with junkfood the whole day and your entire mouth is dry but you still have little white specks of saliva around your mouth. Of course you are thirsty now, one whole pack of Cheddar soy crisps will do that to you - thanks san! But under no circumstances you are allowed to quit, stop to buy water, or complain about his running.