Outsider

Coming to Asia from a Latin country is a huge leap of faith even for the most open-minded of us Latins. Latin families are very close-knit, feelings and fights are always in the open and until the very end, and passion is just another word for normal. Asia is different and provides a huge culture shock to most. People are shorter, their facial expression are almost unreadable, the food is new and mostly too spicy to take, there is no bread and the cheese and coffee are awful. Respect is assumed and not earned, mostly by age and social status. Corruption exists but is is very well disguised, especially to outsiders. Sarcasm and irony are not understood and self-deprecating humor is almost inexistent - quite surprising, considering some of the Chinese proverbs I've heard. And yes, more importantly, the society is very closed to outsiders. If you don't feel left out by your size or the color of your skin, there will definitely be something that will make you feel an outsider such as temperament, expectations, etc.

With previous incarnations of the team i used to feel very lonely or left out every time they would go out and forget (or not think) to ask me. Or when they would accidentally bump into a friend and present me as "this is claudia, she likes durians" as if portraying some kind of weird foreigner characteristic. It didn't bother me as much, seeing how an open, welcoming attitude towards strangers is normal i guess only for expats - since the people already living here have their set of friends for a very long time already and are unwilling/shy/lazy to make the space and effort for anybody else. But it does bring a bitter taste seeing how the two major highlights of my non-climbing related socializing events with my climbing friends came in 2008 when I a) got invited to Cherlyn's to watch the opening of the Beijing olympics and b) got invited to Shu Mei's for pre-marathon carbo-loading. If it's not the color of the skin, the weird occupation, the humor, the language, the choice of lifestyle (let's be honest, VERY FEW Singaporeans would EVER leave home), the weird foodstuffs, the curly hair, the hair color, etc., that will be somehow pointed out to you to show how different you are, well, recently I've found another one: AGE. Or rather not age, but the social tag that comes with each age interval. Like at this age you should be doing this, hanging out with these people, looking out for career opportunities, buying the latest ipHone, iTampon or whatever, being a good son or a good daughter, etc. etc. Truth is, if age doesn't somehow point me out as an outsider in the current team, the lack of preoccupation for the rat-race (bonuses, staying late to please the boss, must advance in career, have something to show for myself for cny dinner, etc etc) will point me out with the others.

I have never given age more thought than tonight since for me it matters more a person's inner youth than his IC age (hell, most 23-year olds here are about 17 by most international standards) but I somehow come to glimpse that it matters for others. Quite an offhand remark - "But Claud, why do you want to go [to Outward Bound Singapore]? You'll be the oldest one there!..." spiked all this literature and my decision to finish this training cycle and then permanently move outside the team and trainings. Quite frankly, I am sick of being an outsider so I will just move on my remote island and fuck everybody else.