Wednesday, March 4

From hero to zero ...

... in three weeks flat. Sometimes, there just comes a day when no amount of optimism and putting things in perspective (could've broken my ankle, injured another finger, could be smoking and fat) can sweeten the pain. Today I climbed novice routes for boulder circuits and did some 10 min ARC. While it was good and the finger for the short time that I used it behaved quite nicely, still... I can't climb with the girls anymore and not only that but I can't share in any of their routes or excitement. No amount of empathy can get you to "route talk" properly. All you gotta do is do the route, and then you can talk, share and encourage. I did try some of the moves after they moved to different walls and i cannot do them to my immense frustration. It's a terrible case of over-visualization when I know I can/could do the move and then I get to the route and bail out in the middle of it (or worse, at the beginning) because I just can't hold the tiles. The truth of the matter is that given a serious injury, you just are not there anymore. It's like you're that weak (did i ever tell you how much i dislike weaknesses?), whining person in a room full of psyched people and at some point in time you become almost invisible. It gets frustrating and painful to some extent to still have to say that you can't do this and you can't do that because of this injury that you sustained eons ago. To say nothing that the mere repetition of the words "can't" just makes me want to puke.
Top this up with the fact that now I turned all my energy on the novice girls which most obviously freaks them out and you get a very interesting me. Today I left early just to prevent myself from trying any stupid things or even worse, stalking Ely and exhausting her to death.

Bah.

4 comments:

elysa said...

hey(: STICK IT out!
not your fault u got injured; dont beat urself up over smtg u can't control (not healthy lah).. let it really heal; so it can serve you better after hah.
ANW, we're not freaked out(: didju know tt i chose to be in ur grp tday? ;) Who stalk who hah

chirp chirp (dodo sound) said...

Voicing out that you dislike weakness and actually leaving early to avoid killing yourself... that is not Weakness.

You do know that you are not weak in the sense of a weak will and full of complains and all, but perhaps what you need is affirmation. So here I am, to affirm that you ARE NOT weak at all; in fact I think you are a very strong person- perhaps even headstrong- but still, a very strong person with admirable qualities like Never Say Die and bring the RSM to kick everyone back in line before we descend into chaos or something.

Right now, just channel that strength of yours to resist doing vigorous activities and recover properly alright? So that you can get back to ass-kicking shape. It really is a bloody bruise to the ego being not able to climb as you did before, but sometimes... you gotta be 'weak' before you can be strong. Life comes full circle.

Still love you loads even though you whistle terribly (out of point)!

And thanks for all the ass whipping you did unto me starting a year back. Know that you have a big part to play in shaping me. Ha ely, soon you will be damn strong!

See, you are far from weak Claud. :) But hey, do continue venting and voicing out over here at your blog, cos that's what one would need after a tough day. Hug.

jensen said...

Hello sergeant major.
I sustained an injury to my left ankle peroneal tendon 2 years ago. And now, I cannot sit in fully on my left. The tendon will just pop over the ankle bone (the one jutting out) like a rubber band, and hurt a bit. That did not stop me from climbing like I do now. It's just knowing when to stop. And honestly, I think if I had gone for treatment, rested longer, my ankle wouldn't be that bad. That remains my deepest regret over this injury, not the amount of climbing time lost.
The strong one is the one who knows how to react the best. If you know you can't do something as of now, concentrate on recovering and then do it when you know you can. Eat it for lunch. Nuke it in the microwave.

claudia said...

whoa, thank you all! To ely: awww that is so so so sweet :) Almost makes me feel sorry for the 25 push-ups i made you do (should've been 30, ha!) :))

to dor & jensen: thanks for taking the time to write everything, i just needed to vent things out and since i can't really talk very well, well ... there you have it. I am more relaxed now thinking that one day i will be as strong as boris, or even better, jensen woo hoo!!!!!

to dor again: i just realized that the reason why i am not naming DeeToo D24 is because i would spend all my days licking & sniffing it. ok that sounded bad going to have some coffee now!